The Lesson That People Are Missing from #HurtBae

 by Kwynn Townsend-Riley

Over the last few weeks a viral video of a SpellHouse couple has surfaced the airwaves. A young woman confronted her cheating ex and they had a painful conversation about his infidelities. 
This has led to many blk womyn nationwide responding in favor and support of the young womyn. Many feel as if they have been in her shoes before when love has blinded you to the point where you can see no wrong. In addition, when you have been dating for a extended period of time, disappointments seem to be a stumbling block instead of a door to close on the relationship. 

I have been #hurtbae, however, I have also #hurtbae.  Hurt people hurt people. I am not excusing my behavior, it was a few years ago and when we were just dating. However there is a explaination. 

Insecurity. 

I did not have a real boyfriend until I was a junior in high school, until then I did not find myself attractive or pretty enough to have a boyfriend. Therefore the holes in my confidence became to swell by the time I went to college. I was so blinded by my own insecurity that I took overly sexualized compliments as enough effort to date me. Moreover, I didn’t think I deserve my boyfriend and that he was just going to hurt me. Because that’s what “ all men” do right? It was either be hurt or hurt him. 

I chose to hurt him instead of playing the role of the broken hearted girl. I made out with another guy, flirted endlessly and damaged our relationship my freshman year. 

Everyone knows college dating is the hardest thing to do. You can meet your love of your life or the lesson of your life. 
I met both simultaneously. Since then we did take a break and now we are back together but my 20 year old self was definitely a hurt person that #hurtbae. When I saw the video, I wondered if the young man had been cheated on before, or he had insecure issues that he faced as well? I feel as if to some people we can not recognize when we have a good thing. It’s like growing up on junk food all of your life and someone gives you fruits and vegetables. You know fruits and vegetables are good for your body, but you aren’t used to that. You are used to the trash, and the instant satisfaction of sugar that you get from junk food. Perhaps, he wasn’t ready to change his diet when he met her.

Perhaps, there are too many people who are depriving their souls of what is good for them. Either way, give love a try a real good try. You deserve it. 
 

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